January 2012
1 post
4 tags
“Let’s picnic inside a morgue. Not pic-a-nic baskets, pic-a-nic caskets!”
– RBX, “Serial Killa” by Snoop Doggy Dogg
I don’t know if Yogi would accept that invitation.
October 2011
3 posts
3 tags
“Simon says, “Shoot a nigga in his thigh and legs.”
– Lil Wayne, “Cannon”
I would not want to play Simon Says with Lil Wayne.
3 tags
“Do you solemnly swear to put that bottom in the air?”
– Tech N9ne, “Eenie Meanie Miny Ho”
I’m less struck by his failure to properly administer oaths than by the fact that he uses the word “bottom” to describe an ass and is not five.
2 tags
“Mad that DC Comics overlooked me, ‘cause Captain America’s straight...”
– The Game, “Martians vs. Goblins” ft. Lil Wayne and Tyler, the Creator
Uh, Game, you might want to look at that cover one more time.
August 2011
22 posts
3 tags
“You’re looking at me, girl, and I ain’t talking about the look in...”
– Lloyd, “Lay it Down”
What other body parts look at people?
3 tags
“Let my convertible marinate on the avenue.”
– Rick Ross, “Live Fast, Die Young”
What sauce goes well with fiberglass and sheet metal?
insideabluesatchel asked: So just because lyrics don't make sense to you, you have to automatically ridicule the artist, even though they might be one of the best bands of all time, and have made some of the best albums ever made in music, and are still respected as music Gods by fans and artists alike? Yeah, reference to your Beatles gripe. I just don't think there is much point in making fun of lyrics before...
4 tags
“Rain, rain, go away.” That’s what all my haters say.”
– Roscoe Dash, “No Hands” by Waka Flocka Flame
Are you a nuisance that ruins parades and field trips? Also, are your haters four years old?
3 tags
“Legalistic people suck. Legalism makes me sick. I wonder what makes them tick. I...”
– MxPx, “I’m the Bad Guy”
MxPx really doesn’t like legalists.
3 tags
“But you can’t touch them, no, ‘cause they’re all spies.”
– Coldplay, “Spies”
And this, kids, is what happens when you play with mercury.
2 tags
“Story of a man who decided not to breathe. Turned red, blue, purple. Colorful,...”
– Dave Matthews Band, “Big Eyed Fish”
I literally just can’t even.
2 tags
“Tonight, there’s gonna be a jailbreak somewhere in this town.”
– Thin Lizzy, “Jailbreak”
I wonder where this jailbreak could possibly take place. If only there was a specific place where jailbreaks always happened.
3 tags
“Shake it once, that’s fine. Shake it twice, that’s okay. Shake it...”
– Good Charlotte, “The Anthem”
Good Charlotte is twelve.
3 tags
“My name is Humpty, pronounced with a “umpty.”
– Digital Underground, “Humpty Dance”
I’m glad he clarified. There are far too many ways to pronounce “Humpty.”
4 tags
“Come on, baby, leave some change behind. She was a bitch, but I don’t...”
– Live, “Waitress”
I don’t know about you, but I’ve never based my tipping on hair accessories.
3 tags
“I look at the floor, and I see it needs sweeping. Still my guitar gently weeps.”
– The Beatles, “While My Guitar Gently Weeps”
How high is this dude? “The floor’s dirty. OH SHIT MY GUITAR IS CRYING.”
2 tags
“Are you Johnny Ray? Are you Slim Ray? Are you Faye Wray? Who wants to know, who...”
– Jimmy Ray, “Are You Jimmy Ray?”
Nobody.
Also, apparently, everyone with the last name Ray (or Wray) looks exactly the same.
2 tags
“If I could fall into the sky, do you think time would pass me by?”
– Vanessa Carlton, “A Thousand Miles”
Yes, I do. Becoming a character in a Shel Silverstein book doesn’t make you invulnerable to the laws of physics.
3 tags
“I done came to the club ‘bout fifty-eleven times.”
– Someone who isn’t Lil Jon, “Get Low” by Lil Jon
I don’t know if anyone informed this dude, but we count in base ten in English.
2 tags
“So what’s it gonna be? Are you real to me? Or are you non-dairy creamer?”
– Third Eye Blind, “Red Star”
I’m pretty sure non-dairy creamer is real. I’m also pretty sure that whoever you’re talking to is not non-dairy creamer.
“She’s as soft as a bubble bath
I’m as hard as Chinese math”
– Snap! “Ooops Up” (via worstlyricsever)
Because the Chinese have their own form of arithmetic.
Visit a friend’s similar blog, where this came from, at the link above.
(via steviemcfly)
“Get a job like your mother
I heard she fixes old dryers
You have no desires...”
– Public Enemy “Public Enemy No. 1” (via worstlyricsever)
Or fix computers like your sisters Tight shoes give you blisters
(via steviemcfly)
3 tags
“There’s no bathroom and there is no sink
The water out of the tap is very hard...”
– Silverchair “Tomorrow” (via worstlyricsever)
There’s no sink, but there’s a tap? Is there just a spigot hanging out of the wall?
(via steviemcfly)
3 tags
“How many niggas can remember the first time they had to ride out on their enemy?”
– Freddie Gibbs, “Money On My Mind”
Is anyone else concerned by the fact that this sounds like a childhood memory?
“I remember it like it was yesterday. Me and my niggaz was on the playground, diapers half full, bottles on lock, dirt clods on blast. Them lame niggaz was...
4 tags
“Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?”
– Katy Perry, “Firework”
No. No, I don’t.
3 tags
“All these bitches is my sons, And I’m a go and get some bibs for...”
– Nicki Minaj, “Did It On ‘Em”
That’s not what you should do to your sons.
July 2011
6 posts
3 tags
“Just check my watch and that bitch say, “Sometimes.”
– Lil Wayne, “Hold Up”
That is not a very good watch.
3 tags
“Her feet be killing her; I call it shoe-icide.”
– Fabolous, “You Be Killin’ ‘Em”
Dear Lord, this is a bad pun.
4 tags
“Imma be a bank, I be loanin’ out semen.”
– Will.I.Am, “Imma Be” by Black Eyed Peas
Sperm banks don’t really loan semen so much as give it. They don’t want it back when you’re done using it.
4 tags
“Sometime I ask myself, ‘Hey Jeezy, how ya doin?’”
– Young Jeezy, “Just Like That” by Bun B
“I’m doing alright, Jeezy. How are you today, Jeezy?”
“Well, Jeezy, it’s been pretty rough for me. Thanks for asking.”
3 tags
“Where the cops at? ‘Cause I’m drunk as fuck. Tell them I’m far...”
– Ludacris, “Everybody Drunk”
There are many strategies to deal with a cop who’s pulling you over on the way home from the bar. That’s not one of them.
2 tags
“Your country is a wonderful place. It pales my England into disgrace. To buy a...”
– New Order, “Sooner Than You Think”
Why did this song suddenly turn into a Visit the US commercial aimed at alcoholics?
April 2011
1 post
3 tags
“And there’s a couple screws up in my head that could use a fuckin’...”
– Big Sean, “Supa Dupa Lemonade”
I’m a huge Big Sean fan, but that is definitely the wrong tool for that job.
March 2011
1 post
2 tags
“Pumpin’ “Brown Sugar” by D’Angelo in Los Angeles like an...”
– Jay-Z, “Lucifer”
I don’t know if that’s what evangelists do.
February 2011
1 post
3 tags
“Is that your ass or your momma have reindeer?”
– Nelly, “Shake Your Tailfeather”
Is he trying to figure out if this girl is part reindeer? This is the worst Christmas carol ever!
January 2011
6 posts
3 tags
“If there’s one thing I know, it’s smoking and living large.”
– Wiz Khalifa, “Real Estate”
Uh, Wiz…you might want to do a recount.
3 tags
“I love thick women ‘cause my aunt, she rode equestrian.”
– Drake, “In the Morning” by J.Cole
How did your aunt’s affinity for horseback riding make you love thick women?
3 tags
“I’m a man; I visit urinals abroad.”
– Cory Gunz, “6’7’” by Lil Wayne
I don’t know if urinals are the best things to visit while you’re abroad. There are so many sights to see that aren’t in bathrooms, Mr. Gunz.
4 tags
“Standing at my podium. I’m trying to watch my sodium.”
– Young Jeezy, “Amazing” by Kanye West
I don’t understand what’s happening here. First, Jeezy is giving a speech, and then he’s discussing his health concerns?
4 tags
“The square root of 69 is 8 something.”
– Drake, “What’s My Name” by Rihanna.
I mean, I get the joke, but it’s kind of a force. And by kind of, I mean very much so.
2 tags
“I don’t rap; I film movies.”
– Lil Wayne - Playin’ With Fire
That’s the opposite of what’s true.
December 2010
58 posts
3 tags
“So why would I buy you a gay-ass teddy bear, bitch? You’re already...”
– Eminem, “That’s All She Wrote” by TI
Sexism, homophobia, and a criminal pun (bipolar/”buy polar”). The verse is so good, and then this comes out of nowhere.
swag-od asked: the G in lasagna is silent.
2 tags
“Bitch, real Gs move in silence like lasagna.”
– Lil Wayne, “6’7”“
I mean, I guess lasagna is silent, but…
3 tags
“We play paintball, we play eight ball on the Great Wall in my closet.”
– SAYITAINTTONE, “My Closet” by Big Sean
The whole song is kind of silly, but that line stands out to me as the most patently impossible collection of things to do. Plus, if you played paintball on the Great Wall, you’d probably fuck up and fall to your death.
2 tags
“When I was five, my favorite movie was The Gremlins. Ain’t got shit to do...”
– Lil Wayne, “Sky’s the Limit”
Uh, thanks for that information, Weezy.
2 tags
“But you lied again. Now you get to watch her leave out the window. Guess...”
– Eminem, “Love the Way You Lie”
Eminem, while one of the best rappers in history, is not immune to the occasional terrible, terrible pun.
3 tags
“I exchange V-cards with the retards.”
– Mack Maine, “Every Girl in the World” by Young Money
That’s morally ambiguous at best.
2 tags
“Hang it up, flatscreen, plasma. Hey Nicki, hey Nicki—asthma.”
– Nicki Minaj, “Roman’s Revenge”
I mean, I know it rhymes, but…
2 tags
“Are we human? Or are we dancer?”
– The Killers, “Human”
I’m not sure if he’s implying (with poor grammar) that dancers aren’t human or asking if we’re collectively Dancer, Santa’s reindeer, which is a question I ask myself all the time.